PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING CAN HEAL WEDDING HURTS

PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING CAN HEAL WEDDING HURTS

With the marriage barely two weeks old, the bride sat sobbing in my office. It seems that immediately after the wedding ceremony, as the couple joined the minister to sign their license, the bride commented, “The ceremony was so meaningful. I feel so married!” The groom, in response said, “I didn’t need all of this.” Before any further discussion could take place, the minister asked for their attention to the license, and then the couple was whisked off to their reception.

Crushed, the bride sobbed two weeks later, “I feel so betrayed. I thought we had planned a beautiful wedding together. I gave in to him, so he would feel his wishes were respected. I kept my mama from taking over, so it would be “our” wedding. I was extra nice to his mother, so she would feel included. And then he said he didn’t want any of it! I can’t even look at him. Everything has been awful. I hardly talked to him on our honeymoon, and since we’ve been home, all we do it argue.”

I asked her to say more about her groom’s comment, “I didn’t need all of this.” What did he mean, exactly? What tone of voice did he use? What was his body language? And lastly, would the groom join her for a counseling session.

The following week a sullen couple sat across from one another. Despite their misery, they were able to articulate what they appreciated about one another. Then, the groom asked to clarify what he meant.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” he began. “I wanted her to know that I didn’t need a big wedding to make transform my commitment to her. The ceremony didn’t make me love her more. I became committed to her long before I asked her to marry me. .

“I’m sorry I said what I said. I could have said it differently. I wish I could take it back. And, I wish she would accept my apology and hear that I love her and appreciate all she did to make our wedding great.”

Helping a newly married couple soothe wedding hurts is a definite challenge to those helping to make their special day a success. Had the minister been paying closer attention, he may have picked up on the problem and helped facilitate a better understanding immediately. Or perhaps, if there had been a wedding consultant in whom one of the couple could confide, she could have intervened.

To this couple’s credit, they sought help quickly and reconciled their relationship. To those of you in the wedding industry, your encouraging couples who have conflicts to seek professional counseling early can make a difference in their future happiness.

Rhonda Borman, LCSW